The Personal Website of Mark W. Dawson

Feminism and the Devaluation of the Male

Equal pay for equal work, the opportunity for advancement based on your skills and abilities, and personal choice in the balance of your personal and professional life are not feminist values; they are human values. And everybody should support them for all people regardless of gender, race, national origin, religion, age, marital status, or disability.

Unfortunately, modern feminism has taken a turn from these values in that they wish to create special privileges based on the female gender. Many of these items I have touched on in other observations and will not be repeated here. But I must state that modern-day feminist has little interest in men or the needs of men. They seem to be only concerned with the professional, emotional, and physical needs of women and seem to be only interested in motherhood if it is single motherhood. Men play little part in their worldview, and the small part they play is considered unimportant. The Feminine Mystique is to be elevated, and the Male Psyche is to be devalued and, in many cases, belittled or mocked.

But this attitude is very dangerous to society. It pits women against men, creates a wall of separation between men and women, and is harmful to the healthy relationship between a man and a woman. It leads to unhappiness in a man and a woman, which can often lead to the anti-social behavior of addiction and/or pornography/prostitution in the male.

And it must stop!

Resist it wherever you encounter it,
kill it in its tracks,
and stomp it out of existence.

Men and Women, and boys and girls are different from each other as a result of the evolutionary hardwiring of our brains. Sometimes nurture has an effect on an individual psyche, but nature has much more of an effect on all individuals' psyche. If you don't believe this, just observe modern advertising and comedy. When an advertiser is pitching to a male demographic, the content of the ad is significantly different from when they are pitching to a female demographic. Stand Up Comedy, Sit-Com Television, Comedic Movies, and it doesn't matter what type of comedy, often deals with the differences between the sexes, and the comedic result of their interactions. And everybody laughs because they know the difficulties and confusion that can result because of the differences between the sexes. So those they spread the falsehood of there is little difference between men and women, and boys and girls, are denying human nature. And to deny human nature is foolhardy and wasteful.

Treating boys and girls like the same, in education and child-rearing, is harmful to both the boy and the girl. Boys and girls learn differently, at different rates, and at different times in their lives. Boys' and girls' brains mature at different times in their lives. You must understand these differences and utilize them, to provide the best education for a child, and to mold a child to be of good character. 

The devaluation of the male is significantly responsible for the low marriage rates, and the high divorce rates, in today's society. When one side of a relationship does not honor or respect the other side when one side of the relationship does not feel it needs to meet the others sides needs when one side of the relationship thinks they are more important than the other side when one side of the relationship places its needs above the other side, the relationship will not become a marriage, or if it becomes a marriage, the marriage will soon dissolve. And when one side of the relationship has a feminist attitude, and the other side believes they are devalued, unhappiness will be the result, and the relationship cannot exist for any length of time. And unfortunately, modern feminism and the devaluation of the male has created sides.

Women need men and men need women. Both men and women are incomplete creatures due to the evolutionary hardwiring of our brains. The male psyche is different from the female psyche. Those areas of where the male psyche is stronger are those areas of where the female psyche is weaker, and those areas of where the female psyche is stronger are those areas of where the male psyche is weaker. When a man and a woman join together, they often complement each other psyches' strengths and weaknesses. Going through life with a partner who complements your psyche strengthens you, helps you meet the challenges of life, and improves your chances of happiness and success in life. This can even be seen in homosexual relationships. How often have you observed a homosexual couple and remarked to yourself that one of the partners has a more "masculine" orientation, and the other partner has a more "feminine" orientation in their mannerisms People innately recognize the need to find a partner that complements their psyche.

How often have we all heard the lament of a single woman of there are no good men left, or all the good men are taken? There is a very good reason why this statement is true. Good men don't just happen, as they are molded by good women, who they then marry, and therefore are then taken. Whenever you meet a good man, you can be assured that this is because a good woman has molded a faulty man into a good man and taken him. A single woman should not be looking for a single good man, as good single men are rare. They should be looking for a single man who can be good, then mold them into a good man, then take him. And this molding process should be done with honor and respect, caring attention, and loving affections. You will never be able to mold a man by negative techniques of constant criticisms and complaints, nagging, hen-pecking, or the withdrawal of emotional affections or physical contact and sexual activity. Indeed, the opposite approach of these negative techniques is the best, fastest, and much more likely to succeed technique in molding a man into a good man. Not to mention that if you continue to utilize these positive techniques on your man, throughout your relationship with your man, you will often have a relationship that will be very happy and last a lifetime.

So how can a single woman find a single man who can be good My Ruth Ann story provides the best insight as to how to find this man, as well as the error of lamenting there are no good men left, or that all the good men are taken. Ruth Ann was an attractive, single woman in her mid-twenties who was very concerned that she could not find a good man to marry and raise a family with. She often said that there are no good men left, or that all the good men were taken. During one of these lamentations, I was waiting at her desk for a meeting with her boss and had the time to listen to her and discuss her lamentation. I asked her what she was looking for in a man. She responded that he had to be a good Catholic boy as she was a good Catholic girl, that he couldn't be divorced or separated as she wanted to be the only love of his life, that he had no children as that bespoke of a moral flaw, that he had to be a white-collar worker with the prospect of moving into management as that would provide economic security, a college degree would be nice or that he was working on obtaining a college degree, that they met in a respectable manner and not at a bar or party, and several other inconsequential criteria.

I suggest to Ruth Ann that if she wanted to find a good man to marry and raise a family that she should throw out that list and replace it with another. A new list that simply stated that she wanted a man who would love her for the person she is, who wanted to support and care for her, and wanted to create a life and family with her. Ruth Ann responded that a girl has to have standards for a mate and that these were her standards. Thankfully my meeting began, and I was therefore spared the possibility of an argument with Ruth Ann.

Several months later, the project ended, and Ruth Ann and I went on to other projects, in different buildings, and we didn't see each other for more than a year. When I had to go to a building that I normally didn't frequent, I ran into Ruth Ann in the cafeteria, where she was eating alone. I sat down with her to catch up on each other's lives and noticed that she was wearing an engagement ring. I commented on this and asked her to tell me about her fiance. She laughed, then told me of the story of her fiance. Several weeks after she started her new project, her girlfriend and she decided to go to a local bar for a few drinks and unwind. At the bar, she noticed this cute guy, who also noticed her. They sat down together and began talking to each other, and she realized she was highly attracted to him as he was to her. They then began dating. When I inquired further about what kind of person he was, she laughed even harder. It turns out that he was Jewish, divorced, a Mr. Mom to his son, and was a plumber apprentice trying to become a master plumber, and that he had no college or future college in his plans. In fact, he was pretty much the opposite of Ruth Ann's standards. I mentioned this to Ruth Ann, and she agreed with my assessment but stated that he met all of the criteria on my list. With that, I wished her well and happiness in her future life with her man, and I never saw Ruth Ann again.

So, my advice to a good woman looking for a good man is to look for a single man who can be good, then mold them into a good man, then take him. The criteria you should utilize to find a man who can be good is to look for a man who would love you for the person you are, who wants to support and care for you, and wants to create a life and family with you. Forget the feminism and the devaluation of men, and strive for the happiness and joy that comes from having a loving, honorable, and respectful relationship with another person.

I would also suggest that you take to heart the advice of Ash Pariseau from the website Thought Catalog (you should also check out her other advice as it is usually spot-on): Ladies, What Do You Have To Offer In Your Relationships

As young women in America, we are brought up with one major objective: finding the best possible guy for us so we can eventually settle down. We are raised with a variety of ideas about what men can offer in order to keep us happy. We will create mental checklists about what all a man needs to be and what all he needs to do in order to qualify for our attention, but how often do we ask ourselves, What am I bringing to the table in the relationship

In this day and age, women have this idea that they can be their best selves for a man by being the total package, which mainly includes brains, beauty, and accomplishments. They sometimes seem to think that because they look good, have a college degree and a high paying career, that should be enough to satisfy the man of their dreams. As a woman, you can be smart, good-looking, talented, accomplished, and make good money, but how much do those things matter to the one you are with

Some men like to play it off like they don't need a relationship. They will put down modern women and pretend as if all they need in life is a call-girl for sexual gratification, a dog for companionship, and a maid to cook for them. Don't let this fool you. Most grown men would really like to have a real love and connection with a woman who is special to him. He just doesn't know of many women that possess the qualities he is looking for.

The problem might be in the possibility that many women are clueless as to what things a man is seeking in a woman when thinking about the long term. They are so focused on what they are getting and don't seem to take much time to think about what they are giving. These women might think they know what men want because of what they have been told makes them a total package, but they are not really paying attention when a man is communicating what he prefers.

While beauty, intelligence, and success are all things that men find attractive in a woman, she must stop and ask herself what else she has to offer that is unique and valuable to him. What is he getting out of the relationship, and what is going to make him stick around? Of course, its good for women to evaluate the man she is seeing and how happy she is in the relationship, but its also necessary to think about his happiness too. Her good looks and income will likely only take her so far.

Believe it or not, men actually appreciate many of the same things we do while in a partner. Think about everything that you would like to have in your relationship, and think about whether or not you are offering that yourself. How are you showing your love and respect for him Are you being supportive and comforting when necessary Are you making an effort to dedicate your time, energy, and companionship to him If you live together, are you being an equal or appropriate contributor financially and doing household work Are his romantic and sexual needs being met as well as yours

He wants to have a real partner, someone who is loyal and committed, someone to share experiences with, and to have intellectual conversations with. He also wants a woman that challenges him, which inspires him to be the best man he can be, someone that gives him a reason to wake up and smile every day. Sometimes it seems as though women don't realize how important this is for maintaining and healthy and lasting relationship with a man. Specifically, what your significant other wants from you might be a little different than what another man wants from his girlfriend, so the best thing you can do is open the lines of communication and take action.

Remember that the goal is figuring out what you can do that adds enhancement, value, and completion of your relationship. If equality is what you are after, keep in mind the bottom line: Don't expect anything of your man that you aren't willing to offer him yourself.